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Recipe For A Happy Marriage – Learn The Secrets!
By Wilbert Estrada
No one can tell you that you will reach perfection in your relationship; nevertheless, I believe that you can achieve a happy and stable marriage through following some basic biblical principles.
Does a happy marriage have a recipe?
I’ve always asked myself if there's a real recipe for a happy marriage, but looking around me, I see
that this is something very hard to find. As you would probably know, in the
United States alone, more than 50% of couples that get married end up in divorce within the
first few years, and you can’t help but to wonder, what happens to the rest?
I’ll tell you what happens to the rest. Many of them are unhappy but are
staying together because of the children, or because of their finances. Some are
together because they just have nowhere else to go, or because they are
concerned about what would people say if they get divorced.
The root of the problem is that we are born with an evil nature that
always tries to destroy our relationships. Think about when you were a child,
the last thing on your mind was to obey your parents.
You struggled to get along with your brothers or sisters, and as you grew older, you slowly changed your behavior, but the fact of the matter is that the “evil nature” is still present in you today, and this can only mean one thing: The same evil nature is also present in your spouse. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn't it?
Think about it for a second. Would you do it? Would you let your only child, whom you love so much, be taken to be killed for love? Of Course, it's hard to answer that question, but this can only show you the strength and the magnitude of the love of God for you.
Now, the question remains: Is that the type of love that you have for your wife? Is that how much you love your husband? Can you even answer that question? Can you? Let me talk to the men for a little while.
You struggled to get along with your brothers or sisters, and as you grew older, you slowly changed your behavior, but the fact of the matter is that the “evil nature” is still present in you today, and this can only mean one thing: The same evil nature is also present in your spouse. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn't it?
I hope that you’re beginning to get the picture, but if not, let me ask
you a question: Why then you keep arguing with your
Now don’t get mad at me for telling you that. I’m just pointing out the situation to find a solution for your marriage, and let me tell you the answer to the previous question. Yes! There is a recipe for a happy and long-lasting marriage. We’ll see that soon, but first, let’s talk about the purpose of your marriage. Let's do some cooking.
Now don’t get mad at me for telling you that. I’m just pointing out the situation to find a solution for your marriage, and let me tell you the answer to the previous question. Yes! There is a recipe for a happy and long-lasting marriage. We’ll see that soon, but first, let’s talk about the purpose of your marriage. Let's do some cooking.
What is the purpose of marriage?
Most people still don’t understand what's the purpose of a happy marriage, and that’s part of the problem. We wake up in the mornings, and we go to bed
at night feeling empty inside because we simply don’t feel happy. There’s no
purpose in our marriage, and this is because we just don’t get it. Why do people get
married, to begin with?
Let me tell
you that the reason as to why you're now married is the same reason as to why
you have sex. Yeah, you heard right! But there's a catch there. God
designed us that way, so we can procreate and, as a reward, enjoy ourselves and
be happy. And this is when the first ingredient in our recipe comes to play a
major role… LOVE!
The love between husband and
wife
Did you know that the love between a husband and a wife is what
distinguishes us from the animal world? I can't speak for
He's not emotionally attached to the neighbor’s beautiful German Shepherd, and that’s because he doesn’t follow the rules of a happy marriage. He doesn’t understand what LOVE is. That's why animals simply have sexual encounters. They don't make LOVE.
He's not emotionally attached to the neighbor’s beautiful German Shepherd, and that’s because he doesn’t follow the rules of a happy marriage. He doesn’t understand what LOVE is. That's why animals simply have sexual encounters. They don't make LOVE.
But, what do I mean by “LOVE”? Is
The self-gratification is just a result of the love that we give, but we
got it all backward. We think that the joy that we feel is the actual love,
don’t we? And you want to know why we think that way? Because we’re SELFISH creatures.
We want, we want! Give me, give me! But we don't care much about giving back. Our greatest desire is to stay in that “feel good” zone, and we expect our spouse to provide that great feeling, if not, we won’t give our “love” back to them, isn’t it?
We want, we want! Give me, give me! But we don't care much about giving back. Our greatest desire is to stay in that “feel good” zone, and we expect our spouse to provide that great feeling, if not, we won’t give our “love” back to them, isn’t it?
Making a marriage work is not an easy task when we don’t understand the
real meaning of love, and this is the main ingredient in our recipe, so we
better pay attention. Unlike animals, that always expect rewards out of being
together with their mates, we, humans, have been created in the image of God,
and therefore, we need to understand that the love between husband and wife is
like the love between the Lord and us (His creation.)
If that’s the case, let’s take a look at the kind of love that God has
for us, and I know that you've read the following scripture many times before, but I ask
you today to read it with your full understanding, and keeping your spouse in
mind, as if she or he was your creation, “your world.”
“For God so
loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth
John 3:16
Are you beginning to get the picture? The keywords here are, “For God SO
LOVED the word,” and then it says, “That he GAVE his ONLY
begotten Son.” Of course, we all know that his son was Jesus Christ, but this
doesn’t mean that God had a wife and they had a child; these things are written
in a metaphorical way, so we can understand the magnitude of his love for the
world.
I'm a father of a beautiful daughter; she's my only child and the joy
of my life, and if you are a parent, you'll understand this feeling. It's inconceivable;
it’s difficult for us to comprehend the magnitude of the love of God us. But, could
you do that? Could you give your only child to be sacrificed?
Think about it for a second. Would you do it? Would you let your only child, whom you love so much, be taken to be killed for love? Of Course, it's hard to answer that question, but this can only show you the strength and the magnitude of the love of God for you.
Now, the question remains: Is that the type of love that you have for your wife? Is that how much you love your husband? Can you even answer that question? Can you? Let me talk to the men for a little while.
How a husband should treat his wife
How a husband should treat his wife is one of the main ingredients in our recipe,
so I will now talk to the men, but ladies, don’t go away, I'll pick
on you in a minute, for now, just read and meditate on these things that I’m
about to say.
The reason as to why I’d like to direct this part of my message to men is because I truly believe in my heart that it is us (men) who make or break a relationship. Usually, the women will follow because we are supposed to lead the way, and if a woman is being treated like a princess, she will stand by your side no matter what… isn’t it ladies?
The reason as to why I’d like to direct this part of my message to men is because I truly believe in my heart that it is us (men) who make or break a relationship. Usually, the women will follow because we are supposed to lead the way, and if a woman is being treated like a princess, she will stand by your side no matter what… isn’t it ladies?
Now, this doesn’t mean that women are not guilty because they sometimes
cause the men to grow cold in the relationship, but we'll talk about that some
other time. For now, let me tell you that in my 46 years living on this
earth, I feel that I'm old enough to know that it is us who need to change. If you don't believe me, go ask Jesus.
Now, don’t get mad at me (Men) for telling you these things, but this is
the same reason as to why the Lord Jesus Christ chose 12 men to be his
disciples, not only because we are supposed to lead the way, but because we are the
ones who need to learn to be humble and leave our pride behind. The message of
the Gospel is very clear, “deny yourself.” These are deep words my beloved brothers in Christ.
But don’t take my word for it, let’s take a look at the example that the
Lord gave us:
“After that
he poureth bason
Peter saith
unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, if I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me. Simon
Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head. Jesus
saith ye
So after he had washed their feet, and had
taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and
Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have
washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given
you an example that
John 13:5-15
Jesus was the Master, and a master could be compared to the head of a
household (That means us, men.) He taught his disciples the way that they were
supposed to behave, and keep in mind that some of his disciples were husbands too, and to
them he said, “For I have given you an example that ye
should do as I have done to you.”
You’re supposed to treat your wife like a Princess and be humble before
her. You’re supposed to do everything possible to keep her happy and, as the
Lord did, go down on your knees and wash her feet (That means: Treat her like a Princess.) Some of you might
not like what I’m saying, and I probably lost some of you by now, but I’m going
to tell it the way it is.
It’s nice to be popular and have a lot of readers, but if telling the
truth will cause me to lose popularity, so be it! But I tell you today that if
you follow this “secrets to a happy marriage,” you will be rewarded because this secret is the fundamental law of God and the base of existence itself. Everything that you do will come back to you, and
if you treat your wife like a Princess, in return, she will treat you like a
King.
I’m telling you all these things for a reason. One day I was a married
man, and I didn’t know that my marriage could end in the blink of an eye. One Sunday
afternoon, she left, and there was absolutely nothing that I could do about it.
She was in my arms, and in a split second, she was gone. I couldn't tell her how much I loved her. I didn’t get a chance to even say goodbye. Without a warning, she went to be with the Lord.
She was in my arms, and in a split second, she was gone. I couldn't tell her how much I loved her. I didn’t get a chance to even say goodbye. Without a warning, she went to be with the Lord.
Communication between husband and wife
We've already talked about love, and there’s no doubt about it; love is the
main ingredient, but another important ingredient is the communication between a husband and a
wife, so ladies, remember that I told you that I was going to pick on you? Well, your
turn has come, so men, take a deep breath and relax.
The lack of communication is one of the biggest problems in any
relationship. Any businessmen would tell you that a big part of their success
is the communication skills that they apply in their organization, and there's
no difference in a marriage. The problem with many women is that they EXPECT
something from their husbands, while he’s not even aware of her desires.
As you might’ve noticed, I wrote the word, “EXPECT” in uppercase because
that’s the keyword
Just so you can understand this concept, let’s do a thought experiment. Picture you and your spouse, dancing together, but you're dancing Soft Rock
while your spouse is dancing Tango. What do you think would happen? That's right! That’s exactly what happens in your
marriage. You're dancing in a corner while your spouse is going all over the
room like a chicken without a head.
Unfortunately, that’s our nature, and we cannot change it. People have tried
since the beginning of time, but nobody has been successful yet. Men will
always be men, and women will always be women, and you need to get that inside your head. Trying to change your spouse is like trying to teach a dog how to
talk. It's impossible because the dog's nature is to bark, not to talk.
So let your spouse continue dancing Tango because that’s her nature. He, or she, doesn’t know any better. What you need to do is to communicate and
let your spouse know what your moves are in order to understand each other.
Women are terrible at communicating because they EXPECT their husband to know
what they want, but I have news for you, ladies: WE DON'T!
They buy a nice perfume and wear it, thinking that the husband is going to
tell them how nice they smell and give them a nice, big hug, but the fact of
the matter is that men are practical; we don’t care about those little details
in life; we've learned how to be detail-oriented, but it’s not necessary for us to continue living.
If you don’t believe me, let me ask you a question: When was the last
time that you entered into a bachelor's apartment and saw flowers
So, the key to communication is not to EXPECT that your spouse is going
to be like you, and therefore, you will communicate and let him, or her, know
what you want. You’ve got to let your spouse know what you’re doing, so you can
both dance Tango and Cha-cha-cha, whatever it
is that you want them to dance with you. So learn how to communicate with your
spouse, and you will see changes in your life.
Respect in a marriage relationship
Now, let’s understand something: A marriage is just like any other
relationship, and it deserves respect. Or, do you go around disrespecting your
boss or your co-workers, and everybody that you have some kind of relationship
with? It doesn’t work that way, does it?
Respect is vital to the survival of a marriage, and if you’ve lost it in your
marriage, you’ll need to go back to square one.
The general misconception is that you need to be tough in order to get
respect, and that’s not the case at all. When you try to impose something, it backfires
on you, so the best way to gain back the respect is by communicating with
each other, and you both will have to agree that you´ll need to start all over
again, but that requires one major thing: FORGIVENESS.
Once you’ve accepted this notion, you’ll need to forgive each other
and understand that you’re going to give it another try. Now it’s time to shut
up and start listening. That’s right! If you want the respect to be restored, you’ll both need to “keep
it zipped.”
Every time you have a disagreement, you're better off going for a walk because you won't change your spouse, so just relax and don't complicate your life. Keep in mind that both of you will need to do this, and give it time in order for the respect to come back to your marriage.
Every time you have a disagreement, you're better off going for a walk because you won't change your spouse, so just relax and don't complicate your life. Keep in mind that both of you will need to do this, and give it time in order for the respect to come back to your marriage.
Can a marriage survive without trust?
Now, let me ask you a question: Do you think that a marriage, or any
other kind of relationship, can survive without trust? Well, you know the
answer to that one, so we can conclude that “trust” is another main ingredient for a happy and
prosperous marriage.
The problem when it comes to "trust" between husband and wife is similar to the problem when it comes to the “respect” for one another. Basically, trust and respect go together, but the difference is that the trust is lost when there have been many lies.
The problem when it comes to "trust" between husband and wife is similar to the problem when it comes to the “respect” for one another. Basically, trust and respect go together, but the difference is that the trust is lost when there have been many lies.
If you don’t trust each other, is because there have been many broken
promises; there have been hidden things in the marriage, and now you both need
to repent. No matter who was the deceiver, you're both one body; one person in Christ,
so you’ll need to come together and ask for forgiveness. Repent and renew your
vows, and that will bring us to our next and final ingredient.
Praying for your marriage
They say that a family that prays together, stays together, and they're so
right about that. Do you remember what I said at the beginning of this
article? I said that the root of the
problem is that we are born with an evil nature that always tries to destroy
our relationships. This evil nature is what’s behind the lies, the broken
promises, the disrespect, etc.
So, aside from doing everything that I told you before, you’ll need to
pray together with your spouse or else, you'll be just wasting your time. There
are no two ways about it; It is what it is. Prayer is like the icing on the cake, and you just cannot
do without it. If you're having major problems in your marriage, there might
be strongholds and family curses affecting your life.
I’m not going to get into detail about it, because this is a subject that
needs to be discussed carefully, so I'm going to give you a link to another article, and if you haven't read it yet, go read it after you're done with this one.
To read this vital information, go to: “How to break curses in your life.” In this article, you’ll learn about spiritual warfare prayers, which is the type of prayer that you’ll need to restore your marriage, so I will strongly suggest that you read it.
To read this vital information, go to: “How to break curses in your life.” In this article, you’ll learn about spiritual warfare prayers, which is the type of prayer that you’ll need to restore your marriage, so I will strongly suggest that you read it.
You need to be set free, and I understand that's not as easy as it sounds, but you have only two choices: Either you live an unhappy marriage (That is, if you
don’t get divorced) or you can try, and with your faith set in God’s Word, you
will overcome.
Now, let’s add up all the ingredients and put them together, so you
can have a clearer picture of all the things that you'll need to restore your marriage today, so here they are:
RECIPE FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE
·
Love
·
How a husband should treat his wife
·
Communication
·
Respect
·
Trust
·
Prayer
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